I am sitting here this morning, a full 19 hours after my last class ended at college yesterday, sitting here reflecting on the whole experience. Yesterday I was chocked full of worries: would I be the oldest “kid” in class? On campus? Was it going to be like Glee and the jocks in letterman jackets slushee me? Let me say, I do not get the point of a letterman jacket but I am Canadian and we could just buy a high school jacket if we wanted to. Or a most pressing (literally – HA!) concern: what if I needed to fart? Yes, that is a valid concern. You see I have been a stay-at-home-mom for the last 13 years and lets be honest, I could let it go anytime I wanted. Well, now I was going to be trapped in a classroom. I didn’t want to be “that” kid. Clearly my husband and I were really thinking when we decided to change our eating habits and start including beans and legumes THE DAY BEFORE. Great timing. Thank god for Beano right?

So while it was my first day at college, it was also my children’s first day back at school – one heading to 8th grade the other to 6th grade. We were prepared. We made our schedule our bitch, let me tell you that! Lunches made the evening before, kids up on time, dressed and everything – leaving out the door right on time. What I hadn’t anticipated was the sheer number of parents that would be flooding the property of my daughter’s Intermediate school causing a major traffic nightmare. All my preparedness started to go downhill at that point. After almost 30 minutes spent cussing in my mind, swearing I would never buy a home even remotely near a school again I was finally back on track on my commute to college. Except I forgot my lunch! My lovely lunch. My low-carb, healthy, legume-filled (aka fart-inducing), Tim Ferriss inspired lunch. Yep. Too late to turn back now because my community is under siege from a billion-dollar traffic project that has literally jacked up EVERY entrance/exit to my neighborhood. However, much patience, frantic phone calls to my husband and some unshed tears and I finally got to the freaking interstate. Leaving that mess behind I flew up to the college campus, even getting there 35 min early!

College. The place where I am going to educate myself. College. A place of higher learning. College. An institution filled with so many annoying teenagers. Teenagers that sit in their vehicles blaring their music. Really?? I don’t want to listen to whatever crap you are listening to because I am listening to MY crap. Geez. But you want to know what is really wrong? A kid that woke up that morning and knowingly dressed himself in his best ‘wife beater’ tank top and baggy jeans to go to the first day of school. Who does that? I’ll tell you who does that – a person who BEATS their wife (hence the name), and maybe Eminem. I know, I can’t make that assumption. But I ask you, is the what impression you want to leave on people you meet today? I will say, I did not see a single pajama pant but then again it was also 100F outside. I suspect pj pants and Uggs will make their appearance in December/January. For god’s sake, even I put on black eyeliner to go with my black Lululemon yoga jacket and yoga pants. Yeesh.

So my classes were good. I am one of two old ladies and an old guy in my math class. I use the term “old” loosely – it covers a broad range from 25+. Most of the kids I saw yesterday looked younger than my own kids so anyone 25+ will stick out like a sore thumb 😉

My math prof seems nice. She has one of those wandering eyes so even though she’s looking at you she’s not really looking at you. She could be multitasking, talking to you and counting ceiling tiles, chatting with you and looking out the window, keeping an eye on wife-beater-wearer kid. Now my math lab instructor Darius Rucker from Hootie and the Blowfish reincarnated. And he calls me ‘Mama’. I haven’t decided if I am offended or if this is just some sort of hip slang all the cool teachers use these days. Yep. Super nice guy. Gigantic rings on both hands so that tells me he lives in the past like practically every other man from Texas I have ever met. Really people? It’s not cool to wear your high school class ring past, oh, I don’t know, graduation??! College ring? Um, maybe a year? Or lets just say this: if you have won a Superbowl, you reserve the right to wear a freakishly large ring if you are a male. And if your name is Dumbledore. Or you are Merlin the magician and you marry people at the Excalibur Hotel in Las Vegas 🙂 Other than that, don’t do it. Alas, I digress. So Hootie (we’ll just call him that okay? I like assigning nicknames to people in place of their real names – ask my husband, I have been doing it since he’s known me). So Hootie is super nice and super smart and super patient. You have to remember, the last time I did algebra (assuming it was on my high school final exam) would’ve been 1993. I have actively gone out of my way to pursue careers that did NOT require math because I hate it. Now I am doing review to enter into hardcore college math and I am finding I actually like the challenge of it. WHAT?! WHAT.DID.I.JUST.SAY?! Yep. I really like doing algebra so far.

My other class is a mandatory education class that anyone who hasn’t been to college in at least two years (or never) has to take. My instructor, he wears a giant turquoise ring on one hand, cowboy boots, his best Wranglers and a polo shirt. He’s working on his PhD in Clinical Psychology. Which is totally weird because he gives off this engineer vibe about him. Not the nerdy type engineer. The annoying kind. You know the kind I mean. I walk in and he says “we’re going to have an awesome time in this class! You are going to LOVE it! You may even make life-long friends from this class!” Um really? I think the fact that I will be dead at least 20 years before these kids my factor into life-long friendships. Oh, and please, you don’t have to work to convince me of this. Like EVERY other person here, we are in your class because we have to be. HA! The best way to describe this class would be Teen Leadership for adults. My son took an elective last year in junior high called Teen Leadership. They did a lot of the same exercises. LOTS of public speaking, lots of getting out of your comfort zones, group work, forcing you to meet different people in different settings, etc. I think they are trying to show we are a melting pot of backgrounds but look at all the stuff we as individuals have in common. There are some really nice kids in the class. Gotta love a class that gives out points just for remembering to bring your nameplate to school and put it on your desk. Although the young man I was sitting beside chose to write his name on only one side and then face it towards himself. Seems counter-intuitive BUT I didn’t just graduate high school. So maybe that’s what they do nowadays. I mean you’ve seen how they teach math right? Yikes…. But I jest. This class is going to be fun, but will definitely get me out of my comfort zone working with these kids. Already I have a group project due in a week. Six of us on a scavenger hunt and producing a digital slideshow. Then I have a ‘moral dilemma’ assignment as well. Which is ACTUALLY causing a moral dilemma for me. There is no right answer and when you are in a class of youngsters, you don’t want to justify something by dogging on someone they can relate to. Ugh!!

So all-in-all it was a good day. I’m not afraid to go back tomorrow. It would be nice if the young kids at the Events table actually looked me in the eye but maybe they think I am a professor? Or more likely a student’s mother, LOL!! But it’s all good! I think I will learn a lot from the professors and the kids I am surrounded by.

2 thoughts on “First Day Blues

  1. Ha! So fun. I’m a little older than you and could legitimately have a 27 year old child so I totally get it. When I walked back into college a year ago I definitely stood out. And I embraced it. 🙂

    So glad you’re going back and getting all this valuable experience (such as sitting next to wife – beater boys). And I’m looking forward to reading all about it.


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